My Life Changed in 1990

Yesterday was a special day for me, my wedding anniversary. It gave me a chance to really reflect on my life and I realized that 20 years ago was a large turning point for me, my life literally changed and did a 180 degree turn from where I had thought and planned it was going to go.

1990 started off in an awesome way. What a way to begin the year than on New Year's Day when the girl I had loved secretly and whom I was seeing for a couple of months somewhat secretly finally officially became my girlfriend and we could freely express our affections publicly. I can still clearly remember that very first kiss lasting 5 minutes while we were standing outside by her car in the rain.

The circle of friends I had at that time, nicknamed the Cruise Crew, got to be about 8 of us by then too, 5 girls and 3 boys. We spent nearly every free time we had either hanging out or driving around, that is if my g/f and I weren't occupied together. There was one drawback and that was my best friend was almost totally ignored by then because he hated my g/f. Seriously, that word is strong and it was a fact and I was stupid by picking her over him when I should have found a balance. I even shelved the band he and I were in.

That time I had the beginning of my adult life planned out. Graduate, marry the girl I longed for, have a couple of kids, be an Air Force pilot and I would be happy. Something I learned though....17 years old is still too young to have your life planned out.

A quarter of the way through 1990, everything exploded. First was something i could have never predicted or imagined. After 5 years of her and I having feelings for one another secretly and finally being able to act on them, my g/f broke up with me. To this day I have no idea why. Even worse, she and all but two of my friends in the Crew decided to back off from me, basically ostracized me from a group that I helped to create. Everything sprialled downwards from there. Even my school marks took a nose dive, I actually failed a class!!!! Then an ex-friend whom was involved in criminal activity tried to entice me to help him.

The uphill battle to get my life back in order began a month after the break-up. My best friend, whom I ignored for my ex-g/f, was there to pick me up and showed me life was not at an end. The band started back up again, but the music was all an undertone of what I missed. So much for the fun music we made. Due to me not being able to take a class course, I could never be an Air Force pilot so there went my dreams of being one of the Snowbirds. I did find solitude and a good foundation in three things....my best friend, listening to Bonfire's albums (Def Leppard suddenly took the back seat in that period) and unintentionally finding a new love in my life, my wife, who was part of that Crew.

By mid-1990 things were coming into place that would shape my life's direction. I had two months to prepare myself for my last year of high school. I began dating the woman who is now my wife, the band was doing very good by getting an indie label contract and that arse of a criminal ex-friend was arrested and sent up the river (he would be killed in a jail riot in 1996). I even found a new direction to go in....the policing field. Not al things were in place by the time I graduated, but by the end of the third quarter of 1990 I had a good idea where my life was going to go.

The last three months of the year were pretty tough, but my skin got thicker. My ex-friends in the Crew appeared to be doing anything and everything to get a reaction from me. Yeah, sometimes they did, I mean it was natural, but I took heart in the small victories that I made and built on that. The band released our album and, what can I say, it was a disaster. Instead of possibly making ammends and hopes of even being on talking terms again, it only made the wedge between them and my ex-g/f and me even wider. We had to reinvent ourselves under a new name and success did start to come to us, but not at home. We were booked outside the immediate area often and we started to play cover songs of Bonfire with a bit of our own plus the odd time one from our previous recording.

My ex-g/f went down a very different road than what we both had planned for each other. It was a dark, dangerous one, but I always said to myself "hey, she picked him, now let her reap what she sowed". As much as I would have liked to have been that old friend again to help steer her to a different path, maybe even to a better b/f (no, not me, I was with my wife already) but I knew she was two things....stubborn and greedy. So I watched her go downwards while I was getting higher on my latter.

When 1990 ended, I was totally on a different road than I was when the year started. I was preparing to go to college to be a cop, my marks went back up and I even passed the class I failed, my future wife and I were together most of the year and many more years were coming up. My best bud was still by my side as support and being a true friend. The band too was on a good road to possible success. A major label was planning to scout us. Looking back to then, it was my most happiest moment, my most worst moment and my success story.

And now we're 20 years from that year. The band broke up due to two reasons, the popular music style changed and I promised my wife I would get out of it. Bonfire became my all time favourite band. I married my wife after graduating from college and even though I am not a cop, I have been involved in similar matters. My best friend and I have been buds now for 25 years and we hang when we can since we have families and live 20 minutes apart (unlike the previous 2 minutes, heheheh). The Crew slowly got back in touch with one another, all except two. One none of us care to talk to and the other is my ex-g/f, whom likely won't speak to any of us unless her husband is no longer in the picture. In all honesty I hope that doesn't happen. I hate seeing marriages break up, even if she really has to get away.

So here I sit, still reflecting back. Do I wish i could change anything? Yeah, there are a few places in 1990 I would change BUT it isn't the events many think I would change. In fact, some of the hardest times for me was needed to get me to be stronger, more harder and release who I should have been earlier. My best bud was my foundation, but my wife is my rock and she keeps me focussed on what is best for all of us. The changes I would make would not change who i am today or where I am. I'd still be married to my wife, I'd still have the jobs I have and above all, I would have earned the respect of those I cared about. I always live by two rules....don't ever lie and when you make a promise, you fulfill it.